We'd both always wanted kids, but wanted to make sure we were ready. "The List" was made- things we had to do before we could have kids. We started checking things off, until we both felt like our prayers said 'ok, time to try.'
Trying to get pregnant was the hard part. It was...trying. haha. Taking out my IUD was scary because my life got harder - reverting to the way it was before they suggested it when I was 15. Cramps til I'd barf or pass out from pain. HEAVY bleeding for 7-8 days. Etc. More pain than I'd experienced before, and each month it got worse. I was diagnosed with endometriosis. Basically, my uterine lining grows on the outside and on my ovaries and without the IUD it grows without treatment. Yay for having a diagnosis, boo that the only way to verify was surgery. After more months - and lots of love and prayers - I had surgery. Everyone kept telling me that I'd be in a lot of pain, but honestly (between pain meds and...pain tolerance) I felt GREAT. That's how bad it had gotten, SURGERY was better.
Before the surgery, the doctors covered all their bases and I heard a lot of "There's a lot of hope, but we don't know how bad it is, you might never get pregnant". It could be great or horrible. Awesome. So I was afraid of the standard surgical complications and risks, I was afraid that they'd get in there and it'd be 'frozen' or beyond hope, I was afraid they'd go in there and find nothing and I'd have to start again and try to find another reason I was...broken. I was afraid that even after surgery I'd never manage to get pregnant before it could grow back (which it will.) After the surgery they verified it WAS endometriosis stage 2, it was preventing me from getting pregnant. They'd cleaned it up. I had a '6 month window for my optimal chance to conceive.' They said if I could get pregnant the endo would treat itself.
We were a bit terrified of twins with fertility treatments, so we risked the first three months on our own. Then we started Clomid as the doctor suggested. Can I just say that if you've ever been on clomid, I'm so sorry for you and I love you! It's...the WORST. I HATE clomid guys. My eyes don't work properly - like I can't focus and things get fuzzy randomly. So I can't drive. I get dizzy, pass out, nausea, hot flashes, moodiness. I can go on. I'm NOT a fan. Pain - I've learned to handle, the clomid...I can't seem to get used to. (That being said, it works. So, there's that.)
Then we received the miracle for which we'd prayed. On our anniversary - June 11, 2014 we enjoyed our tradition of staying for an adventure at the Anniversary Inn. We'd decided there would be NO BABY TALK because I had my Dr appointment the next morning. June 12 I wake up, take an at-home test to see what to expect: negative. We go to the doctor ready for another crappy month of trying as my window closes.
We joke that Dr. Berry considers himself a bit of a comedian. (Gid's circumcision was 'a procedure and a show!') While sometimes I love it, sometimes it's...tricky. He comes in and says "so why're you here" like it's funny? (I didn't find it funny at the time)
"To get checked for another month of clomid. I wanna be a mom" I replied.
He tells me "Yeah, I don't think we're gonna do that"
At this point Chris got bugged, "why not?"
"Because you're pregnant." Dr. Berry is totally deadpan.
Chris was like "that's not funny" but the doctor had started laughing
"You're really pregnant." He said. At which point the nurse gets this HUGE grin and excitedly informs us that she double checked it, and waves the proof in my face. Then they advised us to keep it quiet for 12 weeks as conception was such an ordeal and he didn't want us to tell everyone just to have to un-tell in case of miscarriage.
My pregnancy was a DREAM. I'd never been so happy, it was like I constantly thrilled. I would barf and just smile. I'd never been so excited to be sick before! My morning sickness wasn't even that bad. NOTHING was 'that bad'. Each twinge and pain and awkward moment was nothing. I've never felt more beautiful, more alive, more happy, more satisfied, more excited, more loved or loving than when I was pregnant.
A little under a month before I was due we went to Fan-X! Can I just say, preggers crafts and costumes are SO fun? I was a TARDIS (bigger on the inside), a companion cube with a heart belly, and the Death Star (my favorite). Everyone was really nice about everything and I took a cushion to sit on whenever I needed to sit, but I'll admit it was a lot of walking and lines. Fun, lots of fun, but a lot of walking. The next Monday when I went to my doctor's appointment I was...shocked to learn I was dilated to a 4. My baby shower wasn't even until that Saturday! He said if I wanted to make it there without an infant, "No parkour, no running, minimal walking...sit down, keep your legs closed." haha! So I called my (again amazing) boss and said, 'gotta go on leave a week early' luckily we were all prepped already (my replacement trained and lesson plans prepped). I stayed home and did crafts sitting down and watched tv laying down. But I made it to that Saturday to attend my baby shower. Which was awesome. That night we went out and got the stroller/carseat, and other 'necessities' we thought we'd have more time to get. My back was achy.
The next morning I did not feel great. I was actually achy and everything felt off. So we stayed home and got the mural up on the wall (well, I put up the elephant and then sat down and they put up the stars and quote). We prepped as much as we could. I took a good shower got all comfy clean and double checked my (overpacked as always) bag. Mom said to come over for dinner. So we did. There she says 'all the BEST people are working tonight. Go walk on the treadmill for a bit. We'll go see if you've progressed and have this baby tonight!' Well, it was a short bit. My back was killing me, and I could barely walk. So I went back up to tell her to stuff it and stopped to sit, explaining that I don't want to walk anymore. It's hard and my back is killing me. She simply replies with 'You can't walk and your back hurts? That's BACK labor, we gotta go to the hospital, dummy!' (remember I'm paraphrasing). So we go. In the car, my darling Chris wants to know the color of my pain, the shape, the texture...etc. He's so great. But we kept telling each other 'this is not happening tonight. no way. too early. they're just gonna send us home.'
We get to the hospital and guess what? I've progressed a little and my contractions are regular. Marta gave me a 'jumpstart.' I get in a room. I get an epidural. Epidurals are GOOD! Everything was good. My sisters brought me popsicles. We chilled. I felt nothing. It wasn't long at all before Marta's saying we need to call the doctor and push. (They did have to give me oxygen as I tend to hold my breath. I promise I was trying to breathe but...what can you do about getting light headed?) I had Marta, my mommy and my hubby and everything went fine. Then she's saying he's coming faster than the doctor. Marta says 'I CAN deliver this baby, but I don't WANT to, it SHOULD be your doctor!' And we stop pushing for a bit. In comes Dr. Berry! We push, out he comes. (Mom got THIS amazing pic that I HAVE to share!)
I started BAWLING! Here he was. My BABY! I was a Mom. Overwhelming joy.
Chris' hands were shaking, so when Dr. Berry offered for him to cut the cord he wasn't going for it. Mom however was VERY eager to help and got that honor. :) Then he got checked over.
Here we are, our first look as a family. Yup, I'm still crying.
And there you have it. Now we just have to parent, isn't that the scary part?